Sister Libby's Journal|
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|Thursday, January 22nd, 2004|
The second semester at Pitt is going well as is the second trimester of pregnancy :) Grad school is so much freaking work though. I feel like I just work all the time. It's like, I have to read 5 books a week, write two papers, do my TA work (readings, lectures, lesson plans, grading, listening to their whining), and also work on 2 long term research projects. It's ok, I suppose, but I just don't see how I can do it once I have a baby. I don't hold out much hope for my academic career. I don't know. Maybe I could do something similar. LIke, be a leftist journalist? Something activist or political or something. I don't know. We were talking about me starting up a small business like soup delivery but I don't think that's the best idea. I'll have a farm someday, but that's many many years away and I feel the odds of it happening are higher if I earn a wage in the mean time. Oh blah. I would like to be a homemaker and raise my babies. Fricking capitalism. Die, pigs, die.
I'm really fascinated by the democratic primaries. I like Edwards. I think Kerry will get it. I don't see how Bush can lose with a projected $200 million campaign fund. I really should move to Canada. One of Steve's friends is. He's wise. But I suspect canada is cold and lonely.
Baby kicks a lot now. Ultrasound tomorrow morning at 715. Hope it's a girl!
-Lib and Baby Chiang
|Friday, January 2nd, 2004|
|Long Time No See
It's been a long time since I wrote in here. I have been writing in my pregnancy blog over at www.xanga.com/libbysteve. I just checked Karen's livejournal and it looks like she hasn't posted in a while either. I haven't seen her since the wedding. I invited her to my place around x-mas time but she never emailed me back. She always was an elitist. Haha, no I'm totally kidding. Karen is way too nice. I've long been waiting for the dark side of Karen to come out but it never does. Strange. Could Karen be the immacualte conception? Free of Original Sin? Hmm. Watch out for her to have a virgin birth in the near future...
Ok, anywho. I finished my first semester of school and what can I say? It sucked. Pitt treats me like a reatrded kindergartener. No offense meant to the mentally disabled considering I am one of them. I mean it all quite literally (hell, I'm autistic, how else could I mean it?) It's just that the *only* thing they care about is freaking attendance and completing brainless busywork assignments. There is no value placed on thinking or learning. How stupid of me to think a grad school might be concerned with thinking. They are obviously tools of the system here only to brainwash me into the status quo of capitalism-loving mediocrity. Figures. I am hoping semester 2 is somehow different. I'm taking a class in the sociology department on globalization. That could be good and allow me to continue on with my research. I submitted my revised paper to "Pennsylvania History" for publication two days ago, but I didn't make the revisions they asked for. I made the revisions I thought the paper needed. So, they probably won't print it. Screw academia. Maybe I should write to Chomsky and seek advice. He never completed a formal graduate program! What a lucky man! Maybe I can just go study with him and scam a degree like he did. My best friend's husband's family is Chomsky's next door neighbor. This scheme sounds like a better bet than me languishing on the vine at Pitt....
I'm... almost 19 weeks pregnant. We'll be having the ultrasound soon and hopefully finding out the sex of the baby. I haven't felt the baby move yet but I should soon. I'm into maternity clothes and the tummy is growing. I really get the feeling, though, that no one we know is going to be having a baby any time soon. That's lame. Get reproducing you fools!
Steve is playing in a band called The Cheats. They are good considering they're a guy band and all. Steve seems well. This pleases me. he was quite quite unhappy in New York.
I'll be teaching again next semester. Teaching has been a bit disillusioning. I'd like to teach somewhere where the kids are a bit brighter and more interested in learning. I was also surprised by how many kids attempted to intimidate me into raising their grades. I gave blood for every grade I ever got in college. these kids wanna sit around drinking and then whine their way into an A. Let them throw themselves on the sword and then we'll see.
All the democratic pres candidates are shite (except kucinich). Bush will win I fear. Considering a move to Canada.
-Mama Chiang and Baby Chiang
|Wednesday, October 22nd, 2003|
|gloomy day in the Burgh
Gloomy weather today.
I had a dream last night I was touring japan with a group but I spent all my time hanging out with Cole. Odd. What does Cole represent to my subconscious??
School is fine I suppose. I'm doing better. But I just don't really like school in general I guess. I mean, I've basically been wanting to drop out since my third year of college. It is now 4 years later and here I am still feeling obligated to stay although I really want to go. Bah. I don't know that I will finish the degree in the end, write the thesis and all that. Everyone will be disappointed in me and think about how I never finish anything and I can't relaly be trusted to do a good job of anything. But. I just don't think it's the place for me. I will stay for a while longer since I need to be responsible for me and steve and the baby. But I won't stay any longer than I have to. Bah.
Landlord still doesnt have the heat on. Now he says one of our radiators is broken and he is coming over today to rip it out. great. My bunnies are cold. Too stupid to seek warmth under a blanket. Poor buns.
On a happier note, I am feeling less nauseous these days. I am able to eat a little healthier. yay! get to hear the baby's heartbeat soon...
|Wednesday, October 15th, 2003|
|honeymoon capitol of the world...
So, Steve and I are headed off to Bedford this weekend. That's cool. We are leaving tonight. We have to stop off in Indiana to drop off the bunnies. My mom has volunteered to watch them for us. Seems like it will be a good weekend to be in the country. The leaves are turning and all that. Don't know what all we'll be doing. I am definately hitting Old Bedford Village. And get this, this weekend they're doing a re-enactment of the Whiskey Rebellion! How cool is that? It's only my favorite insurrection of all time. haha! I'm psyched. Not much else to do there. typical PA stuff: caves, covered bridges, outlets. We're going to Bedford because a friend of Steve's offered to lend us his vacation house there.
I am missing a party this weekend. That sucks because I feel like I haven't seen everyone in forever. Oh well. Hopefully there will be a party when I am hugely pregnant so everyone can see me waddling around. Haha.
So, pregnancy makes your breasts grow quite a bit. Like, they basically double or triple in size. So I'm thinking, can you imagine what Karen will look like when she's pregnant? Haha. Watch out. Haha.
Being nauseous everyday sucks. Avoid it if you can. Whoa, I just saw this Polynesian lady on "A Baby Story" saying her ancestors gave birth in the ocean. That is wild. I'd be afraid a big wave would come wipe me out, right? Suck the baby out or something. Haha.
I still hate grad school and I looked at next semester's class offerings and there are literally NO courses I want to take. I don't know if I'm gonna make it through. It may be that IUP is the only school on earth I am capable of graduating from :) Should have gone to grad school at IUP I guess. No, I think grad school just sucks. The way Pitt is structured, every single grad class makes participation and presentations a big part of your grade. Well, I never get above a C in classes like that. At other schools, I drop a class when I find out thats how it is. But here, I can't avoid it. Gull dang it.
Did you see the Cubs lose last night? That blew. Who wants to watch the Marlins in the world series? I'm hoping the red sox kick the yankees' ass tonight. We'll see...
|Sunday, October 12th, 2003|
|Monday, October 6th, 2003|
so. i got married last weekend. and now i am Mrs. Chiang. hahahaha.
the wedding was great. i highly recommend marriage. k-bear was there but did not fulfill my hope of her getting drunk and lying on the ground, possibly a matt floey impersonation. she's too "mature" for that kind of thing these days, pfffft!
things are calmed down now that the wedding is over, but school is crazy. i have 70 papers to grade, 80 exams, and a bunch of papers to write for my grad classes. lame! school sucks. but i am glad it is fall. fall i smy favorite season. and my bunnies are well :) So life is good for mrs. chiang!
|Tuesday, August 19th, 2003|
|it's about time
aaaah, life is good for me now. all the things i have been waiting for for so long are finally coming to me. Steve and I will be married soon. We're very excited. He's even mroe excited than me I think. He's the one that wanted to wait another year. Mwa ha ha. Good thing I knew what was best for him and talked him into an earlier wedding. People have started buying things for us off our regsitry and that is WAY exciting. registries are the best thing ever. We're also realy excited about our wedding rings, oddly enough. Steve wants to start wearing it as soon as it come sin but I told him he has to wait until we're married.
So, we've been discussing trying to have a baby as soon as we get married. Steve isn't totally convinced, but it's the logical choice. That way, the baby will be born next summer when I am on break and I'll have a couple months before going back to class. Then, Pitt has low cost day care. Plus I have really good health insurance right now. And I'm young and healthy damn it. I don't go for this waiting til you're 35 to have a baby crap. It's not healthy. I'm ready to go! I think Steve will come around soon. My sister Becky is now saying she will start trying in 100 days. It would be nice if our babies were close in age :)
I have staretd attending meetings at Pitt. It's fine. Better than lame NYU. It's just... part of the adult world I guess. I'm still getting over that youthful idea you have that someday you'll have this great exciting career filled with amazing colleagues. In truth, academia is a fairly dead place. Not too many intelligent people there. Oh well. I am just glad to be goign to school in Pittsburgh so I can have a life outside of school and just look at it as my 9-5. I can live with that! :)
Steve and I are going out to eat at the Cheese Cellar tonight. Yay! It has fondu. I love fondu! It is the restaurant where I ate out with my sisters the night I started dating Steve. Aaahhh. We're also going to look at this $200 watch Steve wants. I told him I would buy it for him when I get pregnant. ;) Mwa ha ha...
|Saturday, August 16th, 2003|
There's just no motivation there. There's no pride in success and no shame in failure. OOoooohh. What is going on. This is the same freaking thing that's been going on since freshman year of college. I'm good at history, but there's nothing challenging about it. I'm just being immature. I mean, jobs suck. There's no great job out there. And there's kids. And farms. But there are no kids or farms right now. Just mediocrity. Sitting here doesn't do any good.
"this is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one...the being a force of Nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining the world will not devote itself to making you happy."
I just need something to shoot for.
I really like getting into grad school but I have my doubts about attending.
|Friday, August 8th, 2003|
|it's 2 in the morning
Can't sleep. Too much on the mind lately. Sleep cycle all messed up. Oh well.
Wedding planning going well. Everything's set pretty much. Family's coming out to see the reception site sunday to figure the logistics out. Steve and I have our eye on a house in Polish Hill. It's nice. Has a small yard and a detached garage. It's near a park with a pool. One of those pools Fuhrer Murphy shut down. It's good to keep hearing those economists telling me how the economy is doing better. Makes my 2 years unemployed sister feel much better. Too bad poor Bushy's approval rating is back down to pre-9/11 levels over it. Mwa ha!
I'm pretty sick of the Left right now. happens every now and then. part of being a leftist, burnout i suppose. I just think there's such snobbery within the left, such pretentiosness and self-righteousness and this lack of recognition of how little we know. a lack of humility and real recognition that we are all sinners, none of us any better than the rest. we all participate in civilization, in orginal sin. there is absolutely no way to escape it. live how you will and let things happen the way they are supposed to. i miss malcolm x though. and howard zinn. they both possess something so amazing. to hear them speak. it overwhelms you. you hear god. you really do. god is in all of us, we're all saints, but in them, you hear something special. like the Saints proper. it's not about a particular movement. it's like jesus. it's about something else, about being.
you know, i used to think i was special when i was younger. that my IQ made me special. that my activism made me special. but now i truly see how wrong i was. it feels good to know i am not special. it feels good to live in truth.
i'd like to leave this city, but every day we stay here makes it feel more and more inevitable that i will stay till i die. civilization marches on and who am i to resist? you do realize, don't you, that my father is a farmer and his father and his father before him. That we moved to the countryside of Indiana County from the countryside of England. You see what this means? That I am first generation urbanized, first generation industrialized, first generation globalized. Write defeat on my big irish forehead. Red rover red rover, send libby over to global capital today. Here she and hers are here to stay.
|Wednesday, July 30th, 2003|
|goin' to the chapel...
So we decided to get married September 27, 2003. Those are good numbers: 9*3=27. The numbers allign! Very important. Thank goodness we're getting this show on the road finally. Planning this wedding nearly ruined our relationship.
So now I do wedding stuff 8 hours a day. You have no idea how much work goes into planning a wedding. Met with the florist today, arranged for some awesome tropical flowers (wedding is luau themed). I also dropped my engagement ring off at the jeweler to get fixed (might be nice to wear it for a few weeks before the wedding) and i am leaving ina few minutes to go to a cake-tasting and pick out my wedding cake. yay!
we've had trouble finding an officiant. neither of us has a minister and it turns out it's this big pain to get a judge to do it. so now we're thinking we'll have a friend do it, but we can't decide which friend. grrr. silliness.
so much else going on. dum(b) is breaking up but steve/wayne/me are going to immediately be starting something else up. it's sad. ya know, i look back on the old days. man, they were good times. remember the scene back in spring of 2000? administration and repent and dateless. oh, lord, so much drama. but still, so much energy, so much going on. and dum(b) was good. i know everyone says we sucked instrumentally and we sound better now, but i don't care what they say. music is about feeling, not skill. and we had it baby. we were riot grrl. we were something. hmm, now it's all coming back to me though, the ill-treatment i recieved from certain persons. hmm. oh well. i mistreated a few myself. we were young. aahh.
back to my wedding. i've been registering for gifts and it is super fun! it's like shopping but without spending any money. fantastic! i highly reconmmend it.
ok, gotta go taste cake.
|Friday, July 18th, 2003|
I guess trevor doesn't read my journal anymore because he and his crew accidentally are throwing their party the same night as mine. I don't really care. I hope I get to stop by and see everyone though.
My summer is passing with little news to report. My bunnies still don't like me. Steve and I are looking for a house to buy (yay). We'd like a porch, a yard, a garage. Well, I'd like thos things. Steve's main concern is how it looks on the outside (dang architects..) and if it has hardwood floors and shite. We're thinking of having our wedding reception at the zoo. It's cool, but expensive. Receptions are so freaking expensive! Wedding will be at some unitarian church or something I guess. Skipping the catholic ceremony because it couldnt be until after pentecost (when I fully enter into the Church) which is may 30. So we will just get the marriage blessed once i am in. That's cool. I'm very excited about becoming catholic, and specifically about my church St. Augustine's. The priest is really cool. He's down with talking about the sins of the Church and all. Very chill. And it's also a Franciscan friary, so there's always these cool monks wearing their brown robes with rope belts. I go to mass there now. I start studying for conversion soon. yay. :)
Steve and I are still considering eloping. I go back and forth on it. It would be nice to have a real wedding with bridesmaids and everyone there to celbrate with us. But, it costs so much money. And it's so far away. I just want to be married soon. Grrr. Not sure what to do. The bridesmaid dresses we picked out are sooooo cute. And the zoo would be really cool. And I'd love to see steve's extended family. Grrr. Not sure what to do. Eloping to Niagra Falls could be romantic... We could always plan a party for later. Still, I'd like to have a church and bridesmaids and my mom walking me down the aisle and saying our vows in front of everyone and all...Grr....
|Thursday, July 10th, 2003|
Next Saturday July 19 is my big party. Well, it's my sister's big party anyway. But it's in my behalf. So, all the Pittsburgh kids need to represent! Be there! Please. You know who you are. Don't forget. It will be radical awesome supercool.
|Thursday, June 26th, 2003|
|praise the lord
Alright, Steve and I have reached an agreement. The wedding will take place in march or arpil and will cost no more than $4000. Those were the only concessions I really neeeded. I feel much better. All is well until the time comes round to make the guest list. Oi.
I got two cute bunnies named Hershey and Jersey. I will post some pics soon. They are very sweet and we love them very much. I would recommend a pet bunny to anyone. They are the best!
weddings suck. don't ever have one. if you're the bride, everyone tells you, Oh it's *you* wedding, you do it how *you* want it. But you know what, they're lying!! *Everyone* has an angle they're working, everyone expects something out of you. You as the bride have NO power, only the cruel false illusion of power. It is your job to meet everyone's needs. You're nothing but a pawn. I don't want a wedding anymore. I never did. But that's not an option either. I could elope except that the groom doesn't want to. Even the groom trumps me, the lowly bride. death to weddings! that's what i say. see you all in hell.
|Tuesday, June 10th, 2003|
|I Submitted This to the Indiana Gazette
Larry and Sharon Fleming of Indiana announce the engagement of their daughter, Libby to Steve Chiang, son of Edward and Joanne Chiang of Princeton, New Jersey.
Ms. Fleming graduated Summa Cum Laude from Indiana University of Pennsylvania where she received a bachelor’s degree in History. She is a graduate student in the History department at the University of Pittsburgh and is planning to start an organic farm in Spring 2004.
Mr. Chiang graduated from Carnegie Mellon University where he received his bachelor’s in Architecture. He is an architect at the Tai+Lee architecture firm in Pittsburgh. Both Mr. Chiang and Ms. Fleming perform in the Pittsburgh punk band Dum(b).
An October 2004 wedding is planned.
|E I E I O
I called the local Dept of Agriculture extension today to look into land rental rates. Dude said land in this area rents anywhere from free to $30 an acre. Man that's cheap. Most people are renting like hundreds of acres you see. So I told him I was getting 5 acres and doing vegetable farming (vegetable farming requires the best possible land, you see, as compared to say christmas trees which will grow anywhere including steep rocky hills-much to my father's dispare!) Anywho, so he said the best land in the counttry, out in the midwest, goes for $200 an acre but there's no land anwhere near that good around here (western PA land is rocky and crappy). So he advised I got the best land possible because at 5 acres land cost will be negligible. Then he fed me that three rules line: location location location. I am going to look at some land soon. It is in Belle Vernon. The woman seems nice.
I appled for a job at a place called Prestogeorges today. it is this sort of italian/gourmet food shop in the Strip District. I would be baking/makign sandwiches and salads. I'm sure it's minimum wage. Which means after taxes I'm taking home $3.50 an hour. wow! If i were from china that would seem really cool. At least it's something to do. I am broke after all.
Lately I've been thinking about going back to school in the Fall and then thinking about slitting my wrists. Not in a I-wanna-die kind of way but in a going-to-school-forever-sucks-and-i-feel-i-w
ill-never-graduate way. why didn't i just stop once i graduated IUP? then I wouldn't have to worry about being a quitter. how will i ever make it through three semesters at Pitt? I am considering applying for a teaching position at a private high school for juvenile deliquents. I would probably get along well with juvenile delinquents since all my friends were criminals in high school. It pays a lot. The question is, would I forever regret quitting Pitt? What it all comes down to for me is this: I want to be a farmer. This history teaching gig is #1
a means to make money to pay off student loans and save up to buy a farm #2
something to keep me going while i slowly get the farm started #3a
backup in case the farm fails or steve dies or something-although i don't personally feel the need for a backup, it's just something those around me expect. The thing is, this gig at Pitt was really just a way to get teaching experience and a way to get out of NYC. So if I freakishly got this teaching job depsite my complete lack of experience, then why go to Pitt? Is there really any chance I'll want a PhD in History someday? Ugh. Blah. Grrr.
My sister is working for the coroner and keeping a livejournal about it. Her name on livejournal is Scholastica. If you're into gore, perhaps check it out.
I got in this argument with my family this past weekend about white americans adopting chinese babies. They said I was romanticizing poverty and it really really really pissed me off. I couldn't help but notice my mothers worries about chinese babies dying but wasn't too bothered by the Iraqi babies during the war. See, now that's a bitchy comment so i didn't say it. So why do they feel it's okay to tell me I am romanticizing poverty? I think they're the ones romanticizing imperialism. Anyway, in the end I told them there was no need for any of us to adopt a chinese baby because we have steve in the family now.
|Thursday, June 5th, 2003|
|It's Like the Inquisition All Over Again...
So I got some replies to my wedding problem. And in the course of reading back over the entry I realized I said "protestants suck" or something of the sort. I feel bad about it because protestants don't suck. Some of my best friends are protestants. But I still think mormonism is weird because according to my reading they believe good mormon men become gods when they die. You have to admit that's a little weird.
Anywho, word on the street is I could get married in a U-U church and they'd even let me do catholic type stuff. That's cool. My fried Zoe is a U-U. It was a very popular scene at Oberlin. What I also know is that since Pennsylvania is a Quaker commonwealth, it has this cool rule. Now I'm no Quaker, but apparently in the Quaker scene (or perhaps in the past it was this way?) anyway, something about there aren't really ministers so much so you can have a fellow quaker friend marry you. So, in PA you can have a friend or relative marry you and it's legal. No joke. I saw it on "A Wedding Story". So I might have my sister marry us. She's catholic. So it would be kind of like a catholic ceremony. Except instead of being married in the eyes of God and the Church afterwards you go to hell. You know, but that's a minor detail. Oh, that wacky catholic church!
Here's my only problem with the catholic church: celibacy of the clergy. Why why why? It started in the middle ages during the big church reform when they kicked out doggy saints and made people in scotland have weddings. They were all, Well, jesus never said this or anything, but we're gonna make all the priests be celibate to prove they're really with us. (sound like marxists or something). But it's so sad. Let the dudes get married. I don't see a need for female clergy to be honest with you, but I would like to see a system like in the eastern orthodox church where the priest's wife is the church Mother as it were. the mushka, the presbytera.
I am supposed to be rewriting my paper that's getting published this fall. But I am faced with the same problem I have had since freshman year of college. I am good at being an academic in the humanities, but I don't like it most of the time. I'm thinking about rewriting this paper, and going to grad school and writing more papers, and being a teacher, and it's all making me wanna puke. I wanna be a farmer. Blah. I need money so I can drop out and have a baby and be a farmer. Where can I make a quick $30,000? The economy's bad and I've got no job skills at all. I actually looked into becoming a cop (they make like $42,000 a year to start!) But it turns out they give you a polygraph test to see if you've committed a felony before which I have. It didn't seem like one at the time. But I suppose it was. They can't arrest me for writing that can they? I was just kidding anyway. Ha. Ha... If only I could get a job. Oh, but the problem is everyone will be mad if I drop out of grad school again. You know, the only reason I ever got a college degree was because I knew everyone would be mad if I dropped out. Now it's happening again. Hmm. You know what this is like? When I was a kid I had to take piano and I HATED it. But my mom wouldn't let me qujit til i found another activity. So I started playing trombone and I ende dup HATEing it too. But my mom wouldnt let me quit til i found another acitivity. So I took up newspaper and I LOVED it. But then they censored me so i told them off and quit my senior year. But by then I had already gotten into college so my mom didn't care. ANYWHO, what's my point? I honestly don't know. I should just go to grad school becuase it leaves my summers free for farming. By the time my farm is up and running I will be through grad school and then everyone will leave me alone. I don't even have to teach if I don't want to. Yes yes.
: city rat versus country mouse: Steve and I are talking about buying a house here in Lawrenceville and fixing it up. This sounds like a lot of fun to me (It's very "It's a Wonderful Life") but it raises concerns for my plan of owning a farm someday soon. Steve is an architect and works in the city and I am a farmer who longs to live in the country. We both h ate the suburbs and the concept of commuting. What will become of us? I would like for us to move to Indiana. But where would he work in Indiana? And how long until we leave the city if we're buying a house and establishing roots in our home of Lawrenceville? Damn industrial capitalism, damn it to hell! You realize, of course, my people have lived in the country since the beginning of time and me and my sisters are the first generation to take part in the industrial revolution as it were and the process of urbanization. It's the same with many of you. Appalachians like us tend to come from scottish/english peasant stock. We moved from the english countryside to the western PA countryside. And now I fall to the ugly beast of capitalism? It's not right. I must resist the temptations of Larryville and remember Jimmy Stewart.
Wow I ramble. Hope everyone is well despite their lack of engagement "congratualations" sent my way. When people move to Pittsburgh they should let me know.